The last Friday I was at Smart Village. Attending "Global Game Jam - ITI - Egypt 2015" for the first time. And that came in a moment I was thinking of getting deep into game design and try to practice it and design my own little games even if I couldn't make a complete game.
At the same time, I was thinking if I can be able to get back to programming and developing. But this time I won't do the same things again. I don't want to stress myself in the tricky problem-solving things again and push myself about basics I already know. I don't have the time or the power for these things now. This is my last chance to get into tough programming.
But, to be honest, when I registered to the game jam I didn't join as a developer. especially that I thought I'll meet there many good developers like the ones I know in college. So I joined as a game designer, visual artist and sound editor. I know I'm not professional in these things. but I have my experience. and I hoped to use them in a more advanced project.
Well. I didn't join a team and I didn't attend the latter two days of the game jam. The people in ITI were bad organisers. though the huge amount of money obviously spent on the event. Many things I've faced there those made me unwilling to continue with this thing. at least not this year.
But actually the game community and the people I met there and the things I saw made me optimistic about my abilities and skills. Even if I couldn't be a good game developer. I have other things I can do.
But I can't stop thinking about particular things like "How can I make money from that?", "Almost every computer science geek I meet in the college can be something big and work in a big place, but I can't", "I lack self-confidence and social experience and strong personality, how could I live and become successful?", "How things I love like film-making and writing would make me a rich and successful person, especially abroad?", and many issues like this.
Well, I'm beginning to hate this post so I'll try to finish it quickly. Even if I couldn't make my language look better.
This academic year. I have this feeling that I've wasted too many chances in my life to improve myself. And started to learn many things and started many projects. But procrastination is doing its thing with me. and other jobs I've started as a freelancer but all the customers who requested me gone and didn't call me again, which I considered a strange thing, but I guess Murphy's law is doing its thing with me. actually I had many problems in this particular year those I guess no one can handle. But I'll try to blame myself for this. I had a really miserable childhood that made me lack social life and be dependent on others. And now I'll have to pay for the issues I didn't choose to have.
But what I hate most, is the people who became suddenly obsessed with giving me advices to stop messing up with my life and start to do something and so. I hate people saying stuff like this to me. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING OR WHAT I'M FACING. I PREFER SACRIFICING MY HAPPINESS AND MENTAL HEALTH (AND I FEEL ALREADY LIKE I DON'T HAVE THEM) TO BE VERY RICH AND ONE OF THE MOST SUCCESSFUL PERSONS IN THE WORLD.
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